On This Day

On the cusp of two millenia
And seventeen years 
Pouring itself over
Like the two packs of 
Cheap warm beer 
Each bottle opened
half-finished 
Like the unceasing hours 
Of a long fucking night
On this day
Those years ago 
That I spent agonizing
The barrel of a gun in my mouth 
I can taste the reluctance
The bitterness of the WD-40 
As my tongue shirks back 
And my teeth painfully gnash again 
To stop the repeated trauma 
From their painful anxious chattering
I can see the call logs
In fact, I still have them saved 
The twelve people I called 
The eight messages I left 
The one redeeming forty five minute call 
From someone equally as lost 


Irreversible

Was the time you spent perfecting things completely worth its price?
As minutes melt to decades gone, in the dwindling sands of life?
And does every ache and pain remind you of what all you'll sacrifice? 

Even minute and meek gestures done to make things seem so nice,
The extra minutes to ensure precision, like a surgeon with a knife, 
Was the time you spent perfecting things completely worth its price?

Not to mention that such stressors lead to indulging in more vice,
Your goals growing more-unreachable with every newfound strife,
And does every ache and pain remind you of what all you'll sacrifice?

A foolish hope for exponential gain, in the rolling of the dice,
Looking back on all you lost— as foolish as Lot's wife,
Was the time you spent perfecting things completely worth its price?

The extra effort to prove your worth, the quest for rare and precious spice,
Unappreciated the only feeling with which you're rife,
And does every ache and pain remind you of what all you'll sacrifice?

Don't consider this a warning, a sort of hope preserved in ice,
The piper is already paid, and Death can hear his fife,
Was the time you spent perfecting things completely worth its price?
And does every ache and pain remind you of what all you'll sacrifice? 

Frostbite

The amount of effort I put forth to be gracious and nice,
Is not derived from how much warmth you might reciprocate,
Instead it serves to contrast those who get showered in ice,
The wounds of hurt compassion burn so much deeper than sheer hate 

Amanda II

Tell me how or tell me why
Even after all of these years
I cling to the idols of you
A saint adorned with my tears

This unholy worship of you
Is, at the least, altogether unfair
The position it puts you in
When we've both found a new host to pair 

Yet I cannot dispel it or shake it
Cannot break it up or even put it in a bind
The eyes that seized up my whole being with a stare
A sense of what's inside you- that Other Kindred Kind

Even as years prove we're rife with humanity 
And all of the countless limitations of that race
I cannot cease from romanticizing your presence 
The oddly-deep gouge you've carved in time and space