Ideation

Pushing myself further
against the black precipice of death
is the only thing that still makes this weary heart beat faster
in the soul-shattering absence of your love

Time

I don't see why or how you'd judge the choices that I've made,
when you aren't sinking into shores of tears and debts unpaid,
It's not your place to tell me that I've still got work to do,
When the angels of my family have come down to see this through,
How long can you ignore that somber longing in my eyes?
To melt to dew and dreams and dust and fade into the skies?
I completed all the labors that the gods had sketched in fate,
I reached for love when I was done but reached out far too late,
I don't see how or why you'd judge the choices that I've made,
Just as I can't judge the proper dose that ensures this heart stays frayed

Arachnophobia

I was never fond of spiders,
Long before I was tangled in a web of lies,
Broken down by dusk and woven up by moonlight,
Before I saw the competitive cannibalism of his friendships,
A solitary creature feasting on peers,
Before I was sized up against other prey,
Before I was saved for some later source of sustenance,
I was careful in attics and forests,
Before the venomous chelicerae grasped my neck,
Before I recoiled in fear at legs that couldn't move and a mouth that couldn't scream,
Before I watched the pieces of this body rot and spoil and burst open with maggots

The Depth

Accustomed to innate control of man,
I never knew insecurity,
until the violent fervor of my love,
jarred and recoiled off your nonplussed stare

A long five days between March 3rd and 8th

You've poisoned my hedonistic lust for sleep,
With ever-building anxiety and dread,
Thoughts of transient love I couldn't keep,
The thought of dying in this empty bed,

The years that took away my sense of wonder,
And ravaged my good looks with tired lines,
The electromagnetic rush of roaring thunder,
Loving blindly despite the warning signs,

I mistook you for a cusp against the fishes,
Hoping that inside you felt this strong,
That somewhere deep your world was made of wishes,
That time had nearly muted your sweet song,

I cannot blame your lack of understanding,
I merely wish you knew how all this felt,
The whispers of the cosmos all-comanding,
The advantage of the upper hand we're dealt,

The longing to submerge in something deeper,
This seawater love won't save a man from thirst,
You lack that empathy- you're still a heavy sleeper,
My delusions weren't for you to burst

Sick

Struggling, stumbling, searching,
searching to find the words,
words with a palpable meaning,
meaning adequate to describe this aching,
aching that compresses organs,
organs filled with acid and bile,
bile sharp and acrid from poor choices,
choices made to cope with the struggling,
struggling, stumbling, searching

Midnight Sun

The ashen sunrise from Autumnal dawn,
Arouses me to how much pain has spread,
The revelation of you being gone,
And silent wish that I was with the dead.

Desperate to quell the knife from twisting,
Agony in life that's spent alone,
Carry on this shell of life persisting,
Abusing every upturned rock and stone,

The flesh is seared and branded with your handprints,
A life you coveted and later cast aside,
Will this heart hurt less with further mends and treatments?
Or is it time to crash into the tide?

Necro-Neuro

The deliberate wash of anhedonia,
shudders in rushes between incredible pains,
of healthy vasculature shirking back under a battery acid blanket,
an arthritic swelling swirls in joints rotted with sparked synovial,
gnashing and grinding these graveyard gums,
words from witches heard in whispers- I feel them watching,
the wry wriggling of a wired-up water sign,
awaiting the anticipated accomplishment of atrial abnormalities,
A kiss even sweeter than yours'

Gears

Clockwork Soldier,
Standing tall and forged of lead and tin,
Growing older,
Paintjob running down as rust sets in,
Caring Master,
Every time he works he takes a part,
Stripping values,
To keep the pieces ticking in your heart,
Cosmic Dreamer
Clinging to paint chips, exhaust fumes, and lead,
Stauching heartache,
If I can't have you- there's this instead.